


Bound by Fate

by mirroralchemist



Series: FFXIV Musings [3]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Discussions of The Vault, F/M, Female Warrior of Light - Freeform, Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward Spoilers, First Time, Friends to Lovers, He really is trying his best to be a bro, In which the WoL is no longer a virgin, In which they actually talk, Love Confessions, Moments in which the WoL has moments(tm) with Thancred, Monk!Warrior of Light, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, TFW the WoL finally breaks down, Thancred thinks constant consent is sexy ya'll, The Haurchefant/WoL is unrealized due to PLOT, The others are here too but not enough to put them in the character tag, Urianger is an offscreen wingman, We still love and respect the MNK job in this house, aftermath of THAT scene in Twine, emotional breakdown, there's lots of tears here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:02:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28903833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirroralchemist/pseuds/mirroralchemist
Summary: Moments throughout Shadowbringers as the Warrior of Light (now Darkness) confronts her thoughts and feelings regarding one Thancred Waters.
Relationships: Haurchefant Greystone/Warrior of Light, Warrior of Light/Thancred Waters
Series: FFXIV Musings [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1916755
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	1. Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> (no I didn't get the title from a certain attack from a certain raid boss SHUT UP)
> 
> Hi! Hello! These are actually the first few drabbles I wrote when I started writing for XIV fandom that's on my writing tumblr. So I decided to clean them up and make them kinda flow into one another. Can't really say how good of a job I did on that tho.
> 
> The rating is gonna change eventually and I'll add tags as I upload each "chapter".
> 
> To make it easier on myself when writing:
> 
> Source!Minfilia = Minfilia  
> First!Minfilia = Filia (until plot happens)

I stare at the night sky, watching as the stars glitter against the dark. I had never appreciated the sky like this before. But the knowledge that I was in a realm that hadn’t seen a sight like this for one-hundred years puts things into perspective. It’s an odd sensation to witness the sudden shift of unyielding Light to the night. But now two lands of Norvrandt were embracing it.

We had left the Crystarium as a group of three; now returning doubled our size.

A bit worse from the wear after fleeing Eulmoran guards and dealing with the whimsical nature of the Fae, but we were all back.

After the routine reports and what not, some thoughts still churned in my head. It could be that I have joined with other adventurers, I soon realized that our group set up was a bit unbalanced. As powerful as we are, one man protecting five (soon to be six in the coming days) bodies was too much of a burden.

Even if I had no reason to doubt this man’s strength that just seemed to grow.

The thought stuck with me through our report back to the Exarch; to my personal chambers. Having been the one to bring down the former Titania, I should be resting. At this rate it would not be long before I would be called to be sent out again. The unease of thoughts is what led me to venture about the city. Under the quietness of the night I hoped to clear my mind and gain some measure of rest. My walk eventually leads me to a striking dummy; one used by the guard most like. 

It was at times like these, going through my katas settles my mind.

Thinking upon our recent encounters, I noted how easily we were brushed aside. I barely lasted longer than the others against Ran’jit in Laxan Loft. And once again if I had been just moments later in slaying the Lightwarden of Il Mheg, the others would have been worse off. I needed to get stronger so that the others wouldn’t be in that situation. Seeing the Eulmoran general use martial arts so efficiently and effortlessly makes my own skills seem amateurish in comparison. Even with my growing skills as a Monk, I still lacked the capabilities to protect my friends as I wanted.

I could hit hard and hope that it’ll make our battles end quicker.

But I wanted more. I wanted to help ease some of his burden too.

Transitioning into each of my forms has become so ingrained into my body, barely any thought goes into it. It gives me the opportunity to think on my next step. Our enemies are more privy to our group now there’s the Oracle in our midst. There were no doubts in my mind they will come at us with more intensity as our journey continues, as we made our intent known to rid the land of this Light.

“Ah, there you are.” spoke a voice.

I stop at mid-punch.

Under different circumstances, I would have been more alert to the presence. But I knew this voice, this comforting presence. A let out a small huff before I turn towards the source. It’s an odd feeling to stare at him again. The last time I saw him was nary a moon ago, but to him it was five whole years. He physically looked the same as he did when we first met under the Sultantree; although those eyes reflect the weariness he had went through all this time.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I answered truthfully, “Too much on my mind.”

“Pray tell _O Warrior of Darkness_ , what’s on your mind?”

“Stop that Thancred. You know I never liked that, even back home.”

“Of course Ami.” he concedes with a light chuckle.

Though the tone in his voice is light, jokingly almost, I don’t believe it shows how he really feels. At any rate, we stand side by side in comfortable silence. A reunion long overdue without the imminent threat of armies or Sin Eaters. One that I had longed for since he was the first Called. And it was met with silence. I glanced a look to the side, seeing that he was without the white coat that adorned his form. He was probably getting ready for bed too before searching for me I suppose.

Or he too has thoughts that plagues rest.

“I’m sorry,” I immediately say, “I shouldn’t have asked you that. It was too personal when I don’t know the full situation. I...saw what happened that day with you and Filia...and Minfilia.”

“The Echo.” he plainly says.

“The Echo.” I confirm, “Seeing it is not a substitute for fully knowing; I shouldn’t have asked that bluntly.”

He stilled into place before letting out a resigned sigh. With that my guilt grows a bit more. I wish I could turn off what triggers the Echo at times, it would save me from so many awkward situations. But it has happened and we all have to deal with the fall out from it. It did not escape my notice he never answered how he wanted the situation between Filia and Minfilia to end. 

_A choice must be made, whether we will it or no._

We all felt the weight of Urianger’s words that day.

“I’m not good at these things,” I admitted, “But if you want to talk or vent about it I am here for you. You don’t have to suffer alone. I just wa-”

“That’s enough Ami.”

I pause mid-statement. The clipped tone of speaking my name letting my words die out. Rarely he has spoken that way to me. I would normally keep going, getting my point across. But I relent this time; because it’s him. I let out a small breath while looking down at myself. That visions and Filia’s words to me weighed in my mind again. I know he wasn’t ignorant of her feelings. This I am sure of. Why else would he do the things he do? Why else he hasn’t completely detached himself from it? I noticed the flecks of warmth he displays to her, even if she herself wasn’t aware of them. 

My thoughts were becoming a mess once more.

“Sorry.” I mumble.

The sound of footsteps approaching me makes me look up. He was staring at me. Rather, he was staring at my body. It wasn’t in idle longing that I’m used to seeing him aimed towards other women back at the Source.

(He would never look at me that way. As much as I had wished he did at least once.)

His look was analytical. His brow furrows in a concerned frown at the sight of me. His fingers twitch a little, almost wanting to examine it closer.

“Where did you get those bruises?” 

A quick scan over myself revealed the darkened splotches of purple near my chest and the lines of welts over my torso and thighs. Even the night sky couldn’t hide these marks against my pale skin. Or if I had worn the sash that was with my top that normally covers them.

“Ah hells. I thought I could hide it. It doesn’t hurt.”

“It doesn’t explain how you got them Ami. You were injured and said _nothing_.”

His brow furrows deeper as he expects an answer from me. I almost wilt under that stare. I know he speaks in this way out of concern. I knew he just wanted to be sure I was not taking more than I could bear. But the scolding tone in his statement makes me feel small, like a younger sister being scolded by her elder brother. As the Scion who has known me the longest, the one who welcomed me into their fold I felt more like I was his responsibility than a colleague. 

“You’ve ever been hit by three fifty-yalm sentient trees Thancred,” I asked, “It’s not pleasant when your discipline is only as ranged as your arm and leg reach. On top of easily being tossed aside by a man who’s probably seen at least three times my years, making my progress with my Monkhood a godsdamn joke in comparison. These wounds have healed from the physical pain but the wound to my pride will not recover so quickly. ‘Tis a sobering experience to feel that for all the trials and tribulations I have faced, it is not enough.” 

I was letting my inner frustrations take hold once again. I waved it off before gathering my belongings. I needed to leave before I said something I couldn’t take back. I took the courage to glance at Thancred once more. There was that concerned gaze again. I clutched at my chest, feeling the numbing pain whenever these social interactions happen. I cover up my discomfort with a small smile.

“I’m sorry, it’s been a long few days. I’m going to go back and rest now, you should do the same.”

I ran as fast as I could away from the scene. Even if it meant I looked a bit childish in doing so. I did not stop, even as he called for my name. I kept going until I had reached my quarters within the Pendants. I slammed the double doors before sinking down on the ground. I ran a hand through my hair, letting the blue locks hang at my fingertips before falling on my shoulders. I had let my awkwardness go through again. I can hear the voice inside chiding at me for running away instead of letting my feelings known. 

And I was still no closer to a solution to my initial issues.


	2. Relevation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. So I kind of felt it was almost a rite of passage to write about THAT scene in Twine. The whole entire part was some of my favorite scenes in 5.0. It's what got me to start really writing XIV fic so this chapter and the next holds close to my heart in that regard.
> 
> This chapter does talk about The Vault, like A LOT. 
> 
> But anyway welcome to what I affectionately call: The Thancred Sad Dad Hours

“Have you no words for her?”

“...Not today.”

I stared towards Thancred, not surprised at his response. He seemed tired, the weary look in his eyes from years of regret. Our time out here in Twine and witnessing Magnus’ situation was as if staring into a reflection of his own problems. I wanted to offer more to him than just an ear to listen to. Our trip through the mines for leonine and subsequently opening up about Minfilia was good. It did the task of easing his mind just a bit. But I knew I could do more for him.

_Be more for him._

Without thought I took his hand into my own. It wasn’t quite the skin contact I imagined, both our fingerless gloves a barrier, but enough to cause him to look at they were joined. I squeezed softly, letting my fingers brush against his. A silent offer that I am there if he needed me. I let out a small breath. The events of the day reminding me too what I had lost. Hearing Filia’s words had opened some wounds I thought closed. The pain of lost as I had to carry the burden of moving forward without them.

They died, believing in me as a Warrior of Light. If I hadn’t been thrust upon this duty, they would still be here.

Surely if I had died instead, there were many others with the Echo Hydaelyn would have chosen to take the mantle as Her champion instead.

“As the one who hasn’t been here the longest, it’s not my place to tell you how to deal with Filia’s feelings or how to guide you through your own.” I spoke, “But as your friend who has felt lost I will say this: don’t hold off until the final moments to leave things unsaid. Once they are gone, you can’t tell them anymore.”

I separate my hand from his, turning my own hand into a fist. I remember that day so clearly. That fated day in the Vault that still haunts me now. I remember how the sun had set as Haurchefant laid dying. In those precious moments, the sudden realization that there was so much I wished to tell him. There were feelings harbored in my heart that made itself known in that one moment. Whether it was just my mind hallucinating or otherworldly intervention, I thought I made my peace after seeing “him” again in the climax of our battle with Nidhogg. 

It was painful to see Thancred making those same mistakes I made. Regardless of the hidden feelings I held for him, I held him in such a high regard. 

It was almost too painful to bear.

“I’m going to do a few minor hunts around the gates. Come fetch me when we’re all ready.”

I ran again before he could stop me. I didn’t want him to see me like this. This was about Filia and him, I needed to keep it strong for the both of them. I knew I needed to talk with her before she met with Minfilia again. To let her know that there are people who love her for who she is now. She had come such a long way from the girl I rescued in Laxan Loft. I remembered each of our conversations when we were alone. I remembered how my heart broke as she thought Thancred hated her existence. It was one of the rare times I was truly furious with the man. 

I saw the concealed uncertainty and doubt in her eyes about herself.

It was like staring into my own reflection once I realized the full depth of my responsibilities. 

It was those moments, I would not add to her internal struggles. Rather I would uplift her. I had come to care for her like she was my own little sister. 

In some instances, I saw her as a daughter. 

I jumped off one of the ledges from Twine and landed on the ground. I look around the area, it seemed suitable enough for my purposes. Instead of my usual knuckle weapons I had as a Monk, I took out a gunblade. I watched as it shifted to it’s full length. I had thought myself fully committed to my Monkhood and I still was. But since that night of our return from Il Mheg, the thought to do more had grown so much. It was by sheer coincidence during one of my trips back home I came across Radovan, a Gunbreaker. Helping him and his traveling companion Sophie against bandits must have sparked something within him. He sensed my resolve and gave me a soul stone to learn the ways of a Gunbreaker.

It was difficult at first, never touching a bladed weapon before. But I had grown to get used to it helping the pair on their various jobs around Eorzea. The more I used it in my secret training sessions, the more I learned to appreciate Thancred’s role in guarding us all (even more so as he does it without his ability to use aether). 

I took stance, readying my ammunition for the battle. I took a deep steadying breaths. I needed a clear mind if I was going to act guard. An occupied mind leads to mistakes on the battle. When you’re protecting others, it’s even more important to focus. I mentally count to three before I rush forward to my first set of creatures.

* * *

The enemies in this area were bit tougher than what I was used to, but I had managed all the same. I lay on the ground, not caring about the grains of sand getting stuck in my hair. I turn my gaze upwards to the unyielding sky. My gunblade laid discarded to its side. I wasn’t quite sure if my skills so far could be applied to protecting the others. As my body winds down from the battles, my thoughts turned back to the situation at hand. I let out another sigh. My hands tremble as feelings of self-doubt and regret wells up inside, wanting to burst. I just needed to keep it together for a little longer. Once I was in complete privacy then I could unleash it, but for now I needed to be the pillar of strength for the others. 

I soon heard the sound of footsteps approaching.

By instinct, I grab hold of my blade and delivered a slash. The distinct clang of metals clashing brings me to focus. My body already at a stance to fight if needed. Whoever it was, was doing a good job of blocking.

“Ami, it’s just me.” 

My mind catches up to my body, realizing I had struck against Thancred. I back down instantly as I watch him take a relieved breath. There was a moment of silence between us. I dropped my blade on the ground. His eyes followed as my gunblade fell before settling back to me. A wry smile on his face as he put his own weapon away.

“My apologies, I should have announced myself. But I must say, I had no inkling you too learned the art of a gunblade.”

“I’ve only just started,” I confessed, “I have a long road before I could actually use it for others.”

“Nonsense. Although I should not be surprised that the speed you have with your limbs also applies to blades.”

I let out a small sigh. The silence fills us, just like the night in the Crystarium. The brevity of the moment leaving us to think that soon something will change. I notice Thancred staring at me, looking for something in my gaze.

“Are you okay Ami?” he asked, “Earlier you sounded so bitter, broken perhaps.”

My eyes widen at his statement, only for his to lower in resignation.

“Ah,” he confirmed, “I was right then. I had noticed it from time to time, if I were to be honest. Mayhap I’m not the man suited to task, but the only one who is is preoccupied at the moment. But you can talk to me. It’s the least I can do.”

I fall silent at his offer. I turn my gaze towards the sky once again while clenching and releasing my fists. It hits me with a sudden realization he doesn’t really _know_ about that day in the Vault. I’m sure he gathered the gist of it from Alphinauld and the others. But I never said much about it. Talking about it was not a subject for idle conversations. There was so much pain behind it that shaped my path. 

“You know,” I said instead, “this isn’t the first time Filia has thought that. In Il Mheg when she helped with the Nu Mou, she told me that. She thought you kept her around as a contingency, that you can’t stand the sight of her because it’s just a reminder that Minfilia isn’t here. I understood her then. Her fears and doubts. I felt them too, still do. But I know you, I know you don’t feel that way. Don’t be like me and keep silent until the end. I did that with Haurchefant and now I-”

I bit my bottom lip.

“That day in the Vault, he died to protect me from an attack. If he hadn’t I wouldn’t be here. But even before that he begged his family to offer protection to Alphinauld, Tataru, and I after the bloody banquet, even if it meant disdain from the other high houses for offering refuge to alleged murderers and traitors. He believed in us, in me. And I couldn’t offer the one thing I so obviously saw in each of our interactions until it was too late.”

“You must have loved him very much.” Thancred simply says.

My head snaps to his gaze. My eyes widened once again as a breath hitched in my throat. The ache in my heart throbbed as the words repeated over and over again in my mind. I tremble as the long time of holding this in demanded to be set free.

“My relationship was complicated with him,” I confessed, “But I did love him. Maybe back then I felt love for him too. But I was too blind to both his and my own, my heart still yearning for a person I thought dead. Haurchefant knew of this and yet he still offered to provide the physical and emotional comfort I yearned without asking any more of me. He saw me as _Ami_ and not a Scion or a Warrior of Light. He believed Ami could change the world. I loved him so much for that and it took his death for me to put a name to it.”

The bitterness and regret fills my chest even more as I spoke those words.

“But he’s gone now,” I spoke with finality, “He’s gone and he will never know of these things. I have to live with that knowledge.” 

I let out a harsh breath reliving those days to Thancred. I had never told anyone of those feelings that harbored in my heart. I buried them so deep in my chest for so long so that I didn’t worry the others. I had to be that pillar for them. Confessing my own feelings now felt hollow.

It made me wonder: When all of this is said and done, what will I have to show for it in the end?

I will still strive to make sure hope still burns bright wherever I go; that will never change, but will it be strewn with the bodies of those I care about?

I had hoped my words struck a chord with Thancred. That he understood where I came from in all of this. His expression seem guarded for a moment as if considering my words. He opens his mouth to speak but then closes it as a thoughtful look upon his face. 

“Ami, you just said your heart had yearned for a person who you thought was dead after the bloody banquet. It’s safe to assume they are alive now?”

Did I say that?

In my outpouring of feelings, I just spoke what came to mind. I never thought about what I had said. I rewind to a few moments ago. I blush explodes on my face as my eyes widened. I did say that. Oh hells. I just nod. I hoped and prayed he wasn’t going to go down the line of thoughts I think he was going.

“Hm. Who is it?”

Oh godsdammit it is.

“It doesn’t matter.” I quickly say while looking away, “If I give a name it doesn’t change the fact that they would never see me in that way. They haven’t shown any inkling of interest then and they won’t show it now.” 

“Come now Ami, you can’t just tell me not to leave things unsaid and yet you do. Hypocritical, that is.” 

I sighed. 

“It doesn’t matter.” I stress, “My feelings doesn’t matter. If I can keep strong to be their pillar, it is eno-”

I didn’t finish the statement as I was enveloped in an embrace. My body goes rigid at the contact. Thancred brought me closer to him as his arms tightened around my shoulders in a hug. I don’t know what brought this on but I found myself welcoming it. Maybe I needed the hug. Maybe he needed someone to hug. 

“It matters to me.” he says, “Your feelings do matter Ami. If maybe I-”

“It’s not you.”

He chuckles. I had hoped the way I bluntly deny him does not give away the opposite. If it had, he didn’t make any notice of it. Just hemmed and hawed before releasing me. Not before leaving a kiss on my forehead. My hand immediately goes to that spot his lips touched. Although my bangs had served as a barrier, I still felt the tingle on my skin. His eyes glint in his usual playful expression at my reaction. 

“Oh godsdammit.” I muttered.

He just chuckles in response. 

“The others are more or less ready.” he says, “We are to meet at the station when we see to our preparations.” 

I nod. I was still as he picked up my gunblade and put it in my free hand. I felt him lightly touch the crown of my head. When I had the courage to look at him again there was a wistful understanding in his gaze.

“It might not mean much coming from me, but Lord Haurchefant was lucky to have your love, as any man would be. I want to believe that in his final moments, he knew. And I daresay I tend to be right on these things.”

“Of course, who would know the inner feelings of man better than a bard like yourself.”

“And don’t you forget it.” he responded, “But in all seriousness once we are home, I would like to visit his grave. I have to thank him for taking care of you in my absence.” 

I let out a sigh once more. 

“Just make sure we all come back from this alive. I don’t want to lose anyone else.”

He replies with a smile before making his silent trek back into town. I watch his retreating back in silence as I gather my wits. My mind plays back the past few moments. I let out a small sigh. But even with the embarrassment, my heart felt just a little lighter. 

I just hoped that his and Filia’s become lighter too when all of this is said and done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -strums imaginary guitar- the feels get worse from here


	3. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually the inspiration for this entire project. The original draft was a lot different than what's posted. But I believe I love this one a bit more. 
> 
> Notes for this chapter: Uh emotional breakdown (maybe a light panic attack) I guess -shrugs-

_“Filia, we have to go.” she said._

_“But what about Thancred?” the Oracle of Light cried._

_Blue eyes stared at his back. He was ready to this fight on alone, she saw that. The words he spoke just a few moments still strong in her mind. She can singly count the times he had spoken with such strong conviction in battle. He had meant to follow through to protect the resolve of this Minfilia, no matter the cost._

_She touched at her forehead._

_She would respect his choice._

_“Don’t worry,” she finally said, “he knows what he’s doing. You have something you must do too.”_

_The Warrior of Darkness looked at his form once more, noticing a faint smile from his profile. She gave one in return before she took a deep breath. She grabbed Minfilia’s hand and started running towards their destination. She didn’t look back. Not even as she heard the start of a battle. She couldn’t look back, lest the temptation to fight by his side won out._

_He trusted her to protect this child._

_Following through was the least she could do._

_She wasn’t one to pray to the Twelve normally. But this once she would pray that he returns to them._

_That he returns to her._

* * *

_The Warrior of Darkness stopped. She and Minfilia had reached a point where they could stop. But her sudden stillness caused the young girl to worry. Crystalline blue looked in concern._

_“Ami is there something the matter?”_

_Ami said nothing at first. She could only look down, her hand touching her chest. She couldn’t help but think of the last she spoke, before leaving Twine. Something had felt off with her. Something had felt terribly wrong. A small pair of hands touched at her cheeks, wiping away the tears strolling down her face._

_‘Tears?’_

_“Ami please speak to me.” Minfilia pleaded._

_She shook her head. It was just the worry manifesting, she reasoned. She had reason to worry. Ran’jit was a foe to not underestimate. The few skirmishes she had was proof enough. She had faith in Thancred regardless of her worry. He had escaped the call of death so many times before; this would be no different. When this is all over they would meet up again and he would flourish the details of battle. And they would laugh about it. Just like always._

_She touched at her forehead once more, the phantom feelings of his lips on that skin tingling._

_“I’m fine? It’s been a long day. Lets take a moment to collect ourselves before going forward.”_

* * *

_“Your hair,” Ami noted, “it’s different.”_

_Minfilia took a lock of her hair, what was once golden blonde was now a reddish orange. Her blue eyes staring at the lock in shock. Not only did the Minfilia Ami had known changed this girl on the inside, to give her the means to control her own fate. But on the outside too. If no one had known beforehand, this girl standing before her now could never be easily identified as the Oracle._

_“A parting gift, I think.” she said._

_Worry etched on Minfilia’s face._

_“Thancred might get up-”_

_“He won’t.” Ami assured her, “He’ll be fine. I’ll be right with you when you two reunite. I know he understands your feelings now. If not, I’ll have a friendly chat with him. It’s the least I can do, you let me see a dear friend one last time.”_

_She watched as Minfilia smiled._

_“You’re pretty close to Thancred. Urianger had told me you two have a special friendship. I think I see that much more clearly now.”_

_Ami froze at the statement. She let out a small sigh while rubbing her temples. Before Minfilia could utter an apology for her words Ami waved it off._

_“Urianger said that? Godsdammit. Don’t feel bad about noting it. I guess I don’t do a great of a job at hiding it as I thought. But I guess you can call it a special friendship. He recruited me to the Scions you know? I was just a budding adventurer sent out an errand to find a ‘noble’. By coincidence this ‘handsome stranger’ and I took down a voidsent together. Fate just found it hilarious I was running errands and into him until one day he asked me to be part of the Scions.”_

_Ami looked up at the sky. Nostalgia filling her as she remembered Thancred’s approach after that showing in Ul’dah. The nerves and embarrassment that he had saw her beat down a group of troublemakers with just her fists. How it gave into shy content as he praised her skills and moral ethic. And then surprise when he asked to her to join the selfsame group he was in._

_“I became an adventurer to do my part to help. I could never imagine it would take me to another world and I would be bringing the night back. And I want to keep doing it by Thancred’s side,” she admitted, “Anyway, we shouldn’t keep the others waiting ere long.”_

* * *

Any witty statements I had upon my return died on my mouth once I was at the abandoned station. We were all together again, but sitting at the steps was Thancred. He didn’t look too well off. The pristine white coat I associated with him was caked with dirt and grime with tears at the tails. It wouldn’t cause me alarm normally as fighting with Ran’jit takes everything you have. It was just the flecks of dried blood that stained his face and the state of his gunblade that worried me. He noticed my staring and responded in kind with a tired smile.

“Ah there you are. We were worried about you.”

Explanations soon came after as he told the results of his fight with Ran’jit, with the others input that he would have been dead if they hadn’t healed him in time. Thinking about my unease earlier, it made sense. I took a deep breath as I stared skywards. So many emotions were swirling within me but I needed to keep it together. 

I kept it together as he had his reunion with Minf-no, it’s Ryne now. We had said our farewells to a woman who had brought us all together. We said farewell but welcome another into our fold.

It didn’t miss my notice that it could have easily been two this day.

I balled my hands into fists at the realization. I would not make it known, just bury it deep within my chest as I always do. We were closing in on the location of the Lightwarden here. We couldn’t afford any more delays than needed. I allowed myself to fall back as we traveled along the trolley tracks towards Malikah’s Well. Considering all that has happened so far Ryne had taken to her full abilities rather well. 

Regardless of my inner anxiety I was proud of the newfound confidence she exhibited.

“We’ll have to go deeper,” she said once we reached the entrance.

We all gathered at the opening. It was expansive with winding trails spiraling downwards until reaching the mines proper. It was ideal that we took a small break before exploring its depths. It had already been quite a day for most of us. I stood further from the others, wanting those few moments to myself. I couldn’t stop the constant staring at Thancred since we met up again. He had assured us many times that he was fine and fit for the battles below but it wouldn’t leave my mind what happened. If I were more confident in my skills with the gunblade I would take lead on this. 

But I wasn’t and I had to rely on Thancred. That unnerved me.

“Thou art no oft so distracted.”

An involuntary shudder breaks out over the sudden voice. I was frazzled; so rarely I was taken off guard like that. It took me a moment once I faced the source of the voice to calm my racing heart. Craning my head up, I meet Urianger’s apologetic stare. I took a deep breath to suppress a sigh.

“Lyse is right,” I remarked, “You really ought to stop doing that.”

“Mine apologies. T’was not my intent to catch you unawares…”

I waved my hand to stop him. I hadn’t meant to sound as if I was displeased. Maybe I was letting out more of my inner irritation than I had thought. I crossed my arms while avoiding his stare. I felt his presence near me still, making no indication he was moving until I spoke my mind. I finally let out that sigh. I should trust Urianger to talk about this, it was obvious. He, other than Y’shtola, was the one I relied on the most for general advice. Even more so in this situation since he was one who kept in the most contact with Thancred before my arrival. 

Regardless of what other _issues_ (as Y’shtola has called it) he seemed privy not to divulge to me; he’s my friend.

“No, it’s not your fault I’m like this,” I admitted, “You’re right. I’m not usually this distracted. I can normally hear your footfalls coming. But anyhow there’s been much on my mind and I suppose it is getting to me at last.” 

“Pray tell, what ails thee?”

I waited a long moment to gather my words. Never quite one to readily speak about myself. 

“It’s just that…” I started, “I can’t get out of my head what could have happened today with Thancred. We’re going to go with our usual team; myself, you, Ryne and him. I just, I want you to prioritize healing to him when possible. I don’t doubt that for the moment he’s fully healed. I trust how thorough you and the others are with healing. But, he may overcompensate and that _worries_ me.” 

I looked towards Thancred’s back once more. I felt at the cusp to say more but it couldn’t come out. I bit at my lower lip at the frustration of it. Urianger’s hand touched at my shoulder, his grip at the top in gentle support. I could already see the concern forming on his face as I looked to him again.

“Hath thee not spoken to him of this?”

I shook my head.

“No,” I confessed, “there hasn’t been time. And even so I don’t think I will. This is important to him. And I’m sure if I did reveal my worry he would deny my cause for it. Please Urianger, do this for me?”

A long pause stretches on between us. I watched as his expression turned curiously pensive; tilting my head to the side as I had rarely seen the man have such a look. He seemed startled, seemingly remembering that I was here. I knew at times he would stray in his attention, remembering some tidbit of information. But this was odd _for him_.

“...Of course. If thy truly requests this of me ‘twould be my pleasure.”

I smiled in gratitude as I patted at the curve of his back. I took a step forward towards the others. We had a Lightwarden to slay. The sooner we could get this task completed, the better it would be to settle my worries. 

I believed at any rate.

* * *

Another Lightwarden had been slain. We were one step closer to saving Norvrandt from being engulfed by the Light. I should have been joyous that the end being in tangible sight. And I was, but it was hard to show it when it had been confirmed that the Light with each warden slain was contained within my body instead of neutralized. With my earlier worries still about, I was in a state of melancholy. I would usually go through my monk katas to take my mind off the thoughts. 

Y’shtola’s _gentle_ request to get some bed rest would conflict with that.

As I lay in my quarters within the Pendants, I stared at the ceiling. I had a feeling this was coming. I knew my body and what had felt wrong. It had only grown since Y’shtola had confused me a sin eater that day. Urianger had knew what was happening and now Ryne can see it too. I let out a breath in resignation. We’ve come too far to stop now; it was my fate now to shoulder this Light inside. I shook my head from the thoughts. I needed to keep it together, for the sake of those who didn’t have an inkling of what was going on. I got up, the room suddenly felt too stifling. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be reprimanded if I took a walk around the city. Before I left I grabbed a leather bound journal from my pack. Once I got out of the Pendants proper, I was met with the brisk night air. It had already begun to clear my head a bit, just enough to edge the melancholy away. 

I had firmly believed the Crystarium always looked its best at night, watching the Crystal Tower gleam brilliantly against the star filled sky. Just like back home, the scene brought me a sense of peace.

Although it would have been easier to just use the Aetherytes, I opted to walk to the Cabinet of Curiosity.

I needed the walk to clear my head more. At least attempt to. Once I arrived, I was secretly grateful with my late night arrival, the place was scarce of people. Giving small greetings to those who were overseeing the place for the time being, I settled myself a table on the second floor. Where it was located was secluded enough that I wouldn’t be easily found by others. There I set my journal down and stared at it. The cover was beginning to see some wear as I traveled with it across a multitude of places. I took a deep breath before flipping it to a half-written page. I could make out the loops and curves of my handwritten notes. Detailing the various fauna and medicines I’ve encountered. My notes of Botany fed into my notes of Alchemy each helping in my goals. I set my mind into a focused state as I took notes, recalling what I had learned from the people and theories of the plant life. The sounds of my pen hitting the parchment was my constant companion. It gave me a chance to put these energies into something worthwhile instead of the dread of what nearly happened today.

I had to bear this unease, I would see this journey through to its end.

“Well well well, never thought I would see the hero in this kind of environment.”

There was the minute shift in the aether before a portal opened up. Walking out of it was our associate (in the loosest sense of the term) Emet-Selch. Sauntering over to my table, I stare at him. My mouth formed into a thin line, clearly letting him know his presence was not needed. He seemed unaffected by my expression as he leaned on the edge of the table, his eyes scanning at the contents of my journal.

“Would have never guess you would be so studious my girl.”

“My apologies if I shattered your impression of me,” I spoke not hiding my sarcasm in the least, “That this savage does more with her hands than killing.” 

“Now, I never said that my dear,” he quipped in response, “It was mere surprise, a pleasant one at that. Not many would take the opportunity to learn more about their environment or circumstances. I am actually impressed.” 

I roll my eyes at the Ascian, his words doing little to uplift my mood. I had opened my mouth to ask him what he was still doing here before we were interrupted by footsteps. Both of us turned to the source. Thancred had shown up from the stairwell. His eyes immediately turned to Emet-Selch’s person, narrowing at the sight. 

“What are you doing here?” he spat. 

“The same as you I surmise.” 

I didn’t think it would be possible to see Thancred frown more than with that answer. His gaze seemed to soften when he looked my way. He nudged his head towards the entrance. He wanted to talk with me outside it seemed. I nodded as I closed the journal. As I moved to leave, I spared a glance at Emet. 

Was he _frowning_? 

“I can see when I’m not wanted,” he spoke in mock hurt, “I shall leave you to your talk. The end is in sight, don’t falter now my dear.”

With a flourish of a wave, he teleported out of the area. We stood there for just a moment to make sure the man was truly gone. I had soon took my place by Thancred’s side as he led me out of the Cabinet and outside proper. The walk was silent. In that silence I tried to think why would Thancred seek me out tonight. There was nothing we needed to discuss; at least I believed there was nothing. My thoughts were cut short as we approached our destination, a lobby of sorts not far from the Amaro launch. I remembered this area as people rarely visited there, the occasional delivery moogle resting before their next errand. Soon Thancred turned to me, concern in his eyes.

“Ami you ought to be more careful around him.” 

“Emet? I was ignoring his presence,” I said, “Besides I am always careful but it doesn’t mean I won’t take the opportunity to learn what I can.”

It didn’t escape my notice that underneath his odd personality and seemingly blunt words, he had given me glimpses of his vast knowledge. 

Why he would at times only divulge them to me, I could not fathom.

“At any rate,” Thancred said, “this isn’t about him. I wanted to speak with you. You should be aware that even if in battle I am always at the forefront, it doesn’t escape my notice what goes on behind me. It’s one of the many lessons I learned when I committed myself to this style. I know that I was the target of more healing magicks than usual. I talked to our dear old healing friend about it and he told me to seek you out. Said it was at your behest.”

I looked away from Thancred, seeing as it was no use to refute his accusation. I clenched my hands into fists. I didn’t want to face these thoughts again so soon. But I knew Thancred wouldn’t let me drop it. Not after all that happened already. He was quite persistent in that regard. Normally I would just scoff it off and change the subject. But I found myself unable to do so. I was drained mentally from these past few days. There has always been that thought that any of us could die while doing our duties. I never forgot it, especially after the bloody banquet but the thought became all too real after knowing how close Thancred was to getting killed. I brought my journal to my chest as I gripped at it tightly. I stared at the ground, not wanting Thancred to see me like this again. 

Being so open and so vulnerable. 

“Ami?”

“I...I couldn’t-” I started, gripping the journal even tighter. So much so I could feel a bit of the cover give way to my fingers. 

The thoughts swirled in my head. That I wasn’t strong enough to protect the others. The hypothetical regret I would have had if he had died. It would have been like Haurchefant all over again. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing a love a second time. I didn’t think I could handle that type of heartbreak again (never mind the fact I hadn’t recovered from the first time). The thought I would have been completely powerless to prevent that outcome.

“Ami!” 

I snapped my head up at my name. I saw the concern radianting off Thancred. I saw the panic in his eyes. I shook my head while stepping back from him. I felt my stoic mask breaking. It bothered me that this was bothering me so much so openly. I watched in silence as he cautiously stepped towards me. I noticed his stance was wary as he got closer. 

“Ami,” he said once more, “breathe. Look at me, I’m fine.”

I saw his hand reach out to my cheek, stopping short at actually touching the skin. He let it linger there before letting his finger wipe at the tears falling down. I hadn’t even realized I had started to cry. Watching Thancred’s open concern for me only eats at me stronger. This man went through so much today and he was concerned over me. It only made the tears fall down harder.

“I’m fine,” he repeated softer, “I’m alive. No more tears? Please?” 

I wasn’t sure what triggered it, but a loud sob escaped my throat. It opened the dam of feelings I held back. I shuddered as my body fully went into my sobs. I wanted to assure Thancred that I was fine and he needn’t worry about me. The words were stuck in my throat, I couldn’t assure him of anything. I vaguely felt his hands (which seemed bare now) were trying to wipe away the flood of tears. It was simply too much for that.

“Y-you almost died today,” I hiccupped, “you almost died and I wouldn’t have been able to prevent it. I don’t want to keep worrying if the next time I see you would be my last. I lost too much as it is, if I lost you too- But I can’t tell you to stop because we-I need you out here. I have-”

I couldn’t finish as another sob escapes me. I tried to wipe my own tears in vain. The guilt of showing this weakness to him gripped at my chest. He didn’t make a move to leave me, instead he placed his hand on my head once more. I could feel the minor trembles as I continued to cry. He began to pet at my head in a smoothing fashion. The motions calmed me; as if I was reminded of home with my sister. It was instinctual I latched myself to him as I buried myself deep into his chest with an embrace. I placed my arms tightly around his waist. I didn’t care that this would have seemed out of character for me. I had wanted, no needed his presence. I needed to feel that he was here, that he wouldn’t disappear for the moment. He had stiffened but eventually relaxed as his arms found around my waist too. There was only a head difference in height between the two of us but I had still felt so small in his arms.

I found myself not minding this feeling. 

Regrettably, the reality of the situation had sunk in and I separated from him. Sobering up from my emotional outburst, I had come to realized what exactly had happened. Even if I felt tired from all the crying I just did, the embarrassment that I had did this in front of Thancred quickly overridden that. My face flushed as the ground seemed a lot more interesting of a view. When I finally had the courage to look at his face, there was that look of understanding. 

“Sorry.”

“None of that,” he said while raising his hand, “You needn’t apologize. T'was plain that you needed it. Gods know how long you kept it in for our sake, especially mines through all of this.”

I could only nod at his words. Silence stretched on between us, not knowing how to recover from this. His expression eased, knowing that there wouldn’t be any more immediate burst of tears. 

“Will you be alright Ami? Do you want me to escort you to your quarters?”

“It’s fine.” I answered while shaking my head, “I think I need the small time alone. But thank you nonetheless.”

The temptation to take him up on the offer was strong. But I was afraid that if I did it would lead to more. As much as my body would love for that to happen, it wouldn’t be genuine. I know in this state I could ask of Thancred anything I desired and he would oblige. 

Only because he was the trigger to my cries. I’ve been around him often enough to know he would do _anything_ to make things right. 

I picked up my journal. Relief washed over me that it looked like the contents were undamaged, only the cover which would take little time to mend. I looked towards Thancred once more. I flashed him a smile in gratitude. His actions may have caused my feelings to overwhelm me but having him here soothed my heart. At the very least for the time being. 

“You know I’m here if you need it Ami.”

“I know and thank you. Good night.”

I walked away from him, making my way back to the Pendants. I stopped in the middle of Dossal Gate. I turned my focus to the entrance to the Crystal Tower. We were approaching the end of this journey. There’s still much to be done before then.

Whether the plan laid out before me or my own plan came to fruition when the last Lightwarden is slain it mattered not. 

What I did know is that I would carry it out so that the others can carry on that hope the Crystal Tower so beautifully embodies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't know exactly when I'll post the next chapter, I don't have a good buffer for the other chapters and I don't want to leave you hanging there for too long if I decided to upload the next chapter sooner.
> 
> Also rating's gonna go up in two chapters.


	4. Reconciliation pt.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thanks for putting up with the long wait. Ngl, the announcement showcase for Endwalker really lit a fire on my butt to finish this. But I think I can finish uploading all of this fairly soonish. Thank you for all the views and kudos and bookmarks so far. Seeing those notification emails makes my day.
> 
> Chapter Notes: Uh not a lot. A hint of ulterior motive (if you read my Emet/WoL smut fic you can pick up on that). Maybe a smidgen of unwanted advances. There's some talk dump about my WoL's backstory and some feelings regarding that. And depending on how you look at it there's some actions being decided while she's not 100% sober so yeh.

Watching the night sky cast over the Crystarium and knowing that the fight again the Light was truly over brought a sense of calm within me. It had begun to sink in that against all the odds, this was reality. And it had been done without needless sacrifice to those closest to me. Or without my own.

It felt oddly nostalgic, looking at the cityscape before me. I had done it a many of times after our foray into the Crystal Tower and its sealing. Whenever my trips took me back to Mor Dohna I would always spend time just staring at it, wondering if its caretaker knows all the work we are doing.

For the first time in what seems like a long while, I felt at peace.

“The hero of the night should not be standing off to the side like a wallflower.”

The voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I turned towards the source letting a smile go on my face. My heart warmed at seeing the Crystal Exarch, without his hood. My dear friend that I had wished for many moons could return to us. I had never thought we would reunited in this manner.

“Raha, please. Everyone needs a moment to reflect.”

Even with the low illumination of the night, I saw the flush of pink dusting his cheeks.

I remained at my spot. I watched as the festivities took place in celebration of our safe return. I had left this place in full acceptance I was willing to do _whatever_ it took to bring this beloved Miqo’te back to his people and rid Norvrandt of the primordial Light. 

Even if it meant sacrificing my body and soul; whether it was by my own hand or another.

Alas, I returned with him in tow and the realization that I truly was not alone.

The real reason why I stayed in my spot was this moment. I touched at my chest, the warmth of Ardbert’s soul still resonating within. When I had hit my absolute lowest, his presence was comforting. We would have been good friends, had the both of us were still physically alive. But I don’t regret the chance moments we had over this course. I felt...complete. He had saved his home, no matter what history would say. Him and his comrades. I lowered my head slightly to meet the Exarch’s, G’raha’s, eyes.

“Your plan was truly reckless, Raha. After all that time I said I wanted to find you after all this was over you reveal yourself; _for a goodbye_.” 

I placed a hand into his crystalline one as I smirked. I would not hide the fondness I held for him, my dearest friend. “But thank you. I know of the message you were sent to relay to me. I never thought that I could inspire so many people.”

Learning the truth of my summoning to the First, I could never imagine that my deeds would inspire so many hearts. That I was the last semblance of hope to a world that had seen more horrors that one should ever face. It was sobering and humbling. 

“I will live,” I spoke finally, “For their hopes they entrusted to us, I will continue on living this path.”

We shared a smile at my declaration. It seemed obvious given my role. But to reaffirm that with him of all people, it felt more concrete. I separated my hand from his as I went towards the railing once again. I heaved a light sigh as I climbed over said railing.

“I’ll do as you say and enjoy myself. For tonight at the very least.”

“See that you do,” he replied, a smile on his face, “You’ve more than earned it Ami.”

I nodded before jumping off the railing to the ground below. Surprising a few people with my entrance I was soon well met with congratulations and praises from all around. I shared idle conversation with those I had met on this journey and some who I hadn’t. Normally I would shy away from such attention. It had never been my intent to be the focal point of, well, anyone.

Whether it was the joyous atmosphere of the city or the few congratulatory drinks that slid my way, my self-imposed inhibitions loosened.

(It was the drinks)

It was how I found myself drinking with one of the dwarves, sharing one of my adventuring tales. Drinking was not new to me, but it had been some time since I last indulged myself; being drugged the last time I had was a good deterrent. My skin was gaining more of a flushed hue, the alcohol coursing through my system. It was a pleasant warmth flowing through me, a bit uncomfortable but not enough to be rid of it so soon. A slight hum buzzed in my head as I was in and out of conversations.

Then I heard the music.

Abandoning my drinks I headed towards the source. Within the city square groups of people were dancing away. I watched in awe as bodies moved in harmony with the melody. I had only seen dancing from Eulmore, so to witness it from all the citizens brought a smile to my face. A small push to my back and I was soon within the crowd of dancers too. I was not one to dance as my shyness overtook my nerves once it came to that. My guard was sufficiently lowered to not feel shame so I indulged. I moved along with the music. Awkwardly at first but soon my body automatically moved in sync with the tempo. 

It felt just as if I was in the Beehive, though it was for intel gathering.

And without subconsciously using the pole.

I was vaguely aware of the claps and whistles as I danced more. Once the pace increased, I sped up too. I winked as I even incorporated a few flips and flourishes. It was easy to meld my fighting style into dance. It was comforting when I thought of it like that. Eventually the song wound down to its end. The applause was thunderous in my ears, second to the beat of my heart from the extraneous routine.

“Ah it is you.” said someone.

I looked over to see a man heading my way. There was a vague sense of familiarity in his face. His eyes seem to lit up as he examined me up and down.

“Aye, as soon as I noticed the crowd I figured one person who could put them in such a trance. A woman of many talents, that you are. Being a Warrior of Darkness and a dancer? ‘Tis a cryin’ shame; you would have been a popular addition to the Beehive.”

Oh, this was the man who asked me to dance at said establishment for information.

“That’s where I know you from.” I finally spoke, “Thank you?”

Before the man could say any more, a hand shot out to separate us. Glancing up, it was Thancred’s hand. His expression seemed calm but the aura around him was anything but. He looked at the man, the man wilting under his stare. Then he focused back to me.

“Seems you had a bit too much my friend. Come on, to your room you go.”

I frowned at Thancred a little put off by his words. Regardless, I followed him away from the crowds towards the Pendants. My steps were less precise than I was accustomed to, assuming that the alcohol was finally rearing its effects on me physically. Thancred saw this and only tsked as he extended a hand out.

“Come on then.”

I shook my head.

“Nay, you came in and swept me away like a noble steed. I demand to be escorted to my room as such.”

A long period of silence passed between us. He had sighed once more. He hadn’t tried to hide the small smirk on his face. I heard the clicks as he detached his gunblade from its holder. He passed the gunblade to me, which I held tightly in my arms. He gave a small nod, before kneeling down and motioning me to climb on his back.

I had merely suggested he carry me back in jest. I didn’t think he would _actually_ oblige. 

I took a deep breath as I eventually climbed on. His arms hooked around my legs, making sure I was stable. I...may have leaned my body closer to his back while I had my chin rest on the top of his head.

“’Tis a short walk, so I can oblige for you, Fair Maiden.”

The sounds of celebration faded away into the night’s quietness as we made the trek to my quarters. My heart was beating so fast being this close to Thancred. If he was uncomfortable about it, he didn’t make any notion of it. He seemed rather okay about it.”

“You never told me that your footwork applied outside of battle too.”

“Y-you were watching?”

“Hard not to,” he simply replied, “When you see a huge crowd like that, naturally curious. Imagine my surprise that in the center of it was my dear friend, moving without a care in the world.”

I buried my face deeper into him, embarrassment rolling off me. His fingers had tapped at the bare part of my legs. 

“Don’t feel embarrassed, it was mesmerizing. Had I known this information sooner…”

I didn’t know if he had said that to make me feel better or if he had meant it. Either way it eased my embarrassment marginally. I turned my gaze upwards to the night sky. 

“I grew up in Thanalan you know? Not a lot for a child to do then. My sister is a bard and dancer, so she taught me to pass the time.”

“Oh? You have a sister?” he asked, his head turned my way, “When we return home, I must meet her to give thanks for allowing me to witness quite a show!”

I buried my face deeper into his shoulder as the blush really crept in. He shoulders would shake before a few chuckles escaped. I lightly slapped his shoulders with my free hand.

“Stop that,” I whined, “Anyhow, you’ve probably met her already and not realize it. She became a scion after Operation Archon. Imagine Hilde’s surprise that the famed Warrior of Light who took down Ultima Weapon was her kin.”

“Hmm, Hildegarde? She’s your kin? Never would have guessed.”

“Clearly we’re not related by blood,” I answered, “I don’t know my birth parents. Couldn’t have been that old when they entrusted me to Hilde and her beloved, with the imperial rule happening by then. I saw Hilde more as a sister than a mother; she agreed and I’ve been introducing her as such ever since.”

“Do you intend to find them, your birth parents?”

I had noticed that we had stopped when he asked that question. The hushed tone in his voice. It had hit me that this was most likely the most I’ve spoken to anyone about myself or my past. I had just assumed since no one asked, there wasn’t a need to explain. Even with the alcohol coursing through me, I sensed the somberness of it.

“I don’t think I will. They are most like gone. They never spoke much about my birth parents around me, maybe to keep some semblance that it was normal. But I knew a Roegadyn and an Au Ra couldn’t create a Hyuran child, just didn’t say anything about it. Being in _my_ homeland and saw how _my_ people were treated until liberation, I would think they died before they submit themselves to that. Maybe they knew that, that’s why they gave me away. Once I’m home I’ll ask them about it.”

“My apologies ‘twas not my intent to bring up painful memories.” 

“Don’t be,” I assured him, “It was a good talk. I never spoke so much about myself before I became an adventurer, you should feel honored.”

Thancred had responded with a chuckle before resuming our walk to the Pendants. We had reached the lobby floor in mutual silence. The manager of the suites glanced at me then to Thancred before back to me with a knowing look. I blushed under the silent insinuation in his eyes.

“Please tell me your room isn’t on the top floor.” he remarked.

“Mistress Satomora’s room is on second floor; third to last on the right.” the manager helpfully responded.

We had reached my room in more of that mutual silence. Once we walked through the threshold I got off his back, placing the gunblade next to my summoning bell. Sitting on the chaise lounge, I ran my hands through my hair before letting out a deep breath. I peeked a glance at Thancred before motioning him to sit beside me.

“Thanks,” I said, “for indulging me and I guess saving me for an unwanted interaction. I’m sure you’ve better things to do.”

“Ironically I do not,” he spoke as he took my offer to sit, “I had a thought to fully participate in the festivities but a certain mutual colleague began to list my drunken conquests and I thought better of it. I don’t even know how he was aware of _half_ of those encounters…”

I snorted at his annoyance of Urianger’s apt observations. That man really was observant, it seemed intimidating at times. He really only had everyone’s best interest at heart and used what skills necessary to achieve that.

“I’m glad that it’s amusing to you.” Thancred deadpanned.

“Oh! My apologie-”

“No no, none of that,” he interrupted, “I am not cross. Actually, I’m quite relieved to see you at ease like this. There has been a lack of that in recent times.”

I started to form a smile before a sudden pain rushed to my head. No matter how many times I have experienced it I could never get used to an Echo manifesting. I grasped at my head in a hopeless endeavor to lull the pain aside. My mind was already starting to drift away and the present moment give way. Before I fully succumbed to it one voice was clear:

“Hey! Are you alright?”

* * *

_Silence._

_A long stretch of silence as each person absorbed the events prior. The sound of their dear friend collapsing to the ground brought them out of said trances. His stare intently focused on the body on the ground._

_Those blue eyes were usually so full of life; expressive despite whatever she held from them. Now they were listless._

_He kept his silence as the younger members of the group ran towards her. He watched as Ryne concentrated on containing the Light radiating off her person and Alphinauld pooling healing magicks into her body. It didn’t escape his notice that Urianger strode forth in hurried steps to assist with a heavy guilt clear on the Elezen’s face. They had worked in tandem, trying to stabilize her the best they could. He watched on as bruises and cuts from her last battle faded away with each curative spell._

_The reality of the situation they faced sunk in._

_They were so close only to have it snatched away at the last moment._

_“I think I’ve done all I can do.” Ryne spoke, weariness in her voice._

_“There’s too much Light within her.” Y’shtola had all but confirmed, “At this rate, we have only delayed the inevitable.”_

_He only nodded at the prognosis._

_He walked towards her, pausing when her head turned at the sound of his footsteps. It only seemed to tug at him more as even as she laid there, seemingly lost all awareness, her focus remained on him. He knelt down to her, noticing the flecks of regurgitated Light on the ground beneath her and on her clothes. He kept silent as he scooped her into his arms. A relieved breath left her before her eyes had finally shut._

_Once more the group stood there. One of their strongest had fallen. There was simply too much to process. Y’shtola had let out a small breath before those eyes hardened into fierce determination._

_“Alisaie, you are the fastest one here. Go down the mountain and inform the townsfolk we need a stretcher and Amaro ready. Once we descend the mountain Ryne and Urianger will keep her stabilized, the Light may not claim her yet, but she is still injured. Alphinauld and I will assuage the people’s fears. There will be no doubt questions about the current state of affairs. We must not give unnecessary panic.”_

_Each one had nodded and set about the task. He has stood there, hands gripping onto her body tight. He had wondered if this growing unease was what she felt that night. The feeling that you could not prevent any of this._

_“What would you have me do?” he had asked._

_At that, the Miqo’te turned and smiled softly at him._

_“You’re already doing it Thancred. Someone needs to carry her down the mountain. If circumstances were more favorable, she would be happy to be in your arms.”_

_Holding on to her body, he descended down the mountain. In such close proximity he could see the full extent of her injuries. While her physical injuries were healed, he saw how her skin was becoming a pale sickly shade and glistened with sweat. Her breathing labored with each passing minute. It was if she was fighting on the inside as well. She had looked so tiny, so vulnerable. Not at all like the proud fighter he had grown to trust his life with. It was a touch unnerving seeing her fall so easily. He couldn’t push down the uncertainty if she would come back from this hale and whole. These swirling emotions gave him passing reminder of her unexpected thrust into facing Ifrit. The same feeling of being put into a position where he can only pray that she would return to them._

_To hi-_

_‘What good is a bodyguard if they cannot protect?’_

_It was a somber affair as they descended the mountain and boarded Amaro to arrive to the Crystarium. They were all drained, mentally and physically but still they had to keep going for her as she would have done the same for any one of them. Time were a blur as she was rushed inside her quarters. He took a breath to calm his mind. Not only was the Crystal Exarch abducted, but their hero was left in such a precarious state. But there was nothing more he could do until she had awakened._

_The sound of her door opening brought his attention back to the present._

* * *

I groaned as I became aware I was myself again. A quick look around showed I was placed on my bed. I started to sit up as a pair of hands held me at my side and back.

“Easy now. Gave quite a scare.”

I turned my gaze over to Thancred. I blinked at him for a few moments, shaking the vestiges of the Echo off. I had soon realized I was without the metal shoulder and leg armor of my Bhikku garb. I was silent as I mulled over the events I had witnessed. I never really knew what happened after I fell unconscious at Mt. Gulg until I woke up again. It was already awkward to see my own body within the Echo. It became sobering to see myself teetering between life and death. Even more to know how Thancred felt during that time. I felt his anxiety and fears during that trip back to the Crystarium.

Whether it was the alcohol or wanting to comfort him I found myself moving closer to him. I rested my head at the crook of his neck. Feeling the minute pulses on my cheek, I stay there. I had contemplated my next actions. It had called at me to do one thing. But to do it would be a turning moment. With my free hand I touched at his jaw, guiding him to look at me. I just stared at him silently. He tilted his head slightly in confusion of my actions.

“Ami? Are you feeling ill? You’ve been quieter than usu-”

I pressed my lips against his.

It was a brief moment of them touching. One could mistake it as a trick of the eye. Alas, Thancred has always been the kind to notice the smallest of details. Suddenly, my bed sheets seemed a much interesting view. Heat accumulated to my head in sheer embarrassment and realization of what I had just done. From my peripheral vision, I saw him bring his fingers to his lips while his eyes slowly widened to what had happened.

In that instant I knew it was terrible idea.

“Sorry,” I mumbled quickly, “I must have indulged a bit too heavily with the Dwarves. I understand if you wish to leave. It might be best if you do.”

“Ami.” he spoke.

I didn’t respond at first. My hands gripped the bedsheets tight. My heart was beating so hard, I was amazed that no one else could hear it.

“You’re going to rip those sheets if you held on to them any tighter my dear.” he quipped.

I slacked my grip once his gloved hand was on top of mines. I let out a small breath as the silence dragged on. I knew I needed to address this eventually. Thancred made no indication he was leaving until we had. I carefully turned my head to meet his gaze. I couldn’t easily discern his expression. I shouldn’t have been surprised, he’s good at keeping his emotions guarded. It was why he was so good at his job.

“Ami, be truthful with me.” he spoke with sudden seriousness, “How long have you wanted that?”

I almost wanted to avert my gaze at the bluntness of his questioning. His switch in tone a good aid in sobering someone up. But something in his eyes told me to not look away. This was another battle, I reasoned. Even if meant I was confronting these long standing feelings I kept buried away for the sake of our duties. I was bracing myself for the eventual rejection. As much of a foregone conclusion it was.

“Gods, I don’t know. I suppose since I thought we were going to die in the Praetorium. Maybe earlier.” 

“I...see. Hmm…”

“Is that bad?” I asked.

He popped his head up. “No! Not at all.” he assured, “It’s just...a moment please. Moments that have happened between us are in a different light now. I remember what you had revealed with Lord Haurchefant. I had just assumed after that you would have been courted, given your sparkling reputation.” 

I wrung my hands on the sheets once more. This was not a new assumption I faced with often. 

“There had been admirers yes,” I began cautiously, “Mayhap it was due to my upbringing I knew right away many of those admired the fact they could become closer to a hero, not to me. Those who did see the latter I had kept at arms’ length, no need for them to be in unnecessary danger because of me. Those rare times I had felt this way ended unfavorably. I have accepted my lot in life that relations beyond platonic are fated to end horribly. So why even try? That is why my feelings do not matter in the end.”

I let out a harsh breath. This conversation was not one I wanted to have in this capacity. I hated that I had exposed my emotions so openly. I wanted to keep this image that I was strong and fine. Not that I felt people would think less of me for wanting more. It would have been an opportune time to shed tears. But I don’t believe I had any more tears to shed. My heart was weary. I believe Thancred could see that too since he looked at me with understanding sympathy. 

Right before he leaned in and kissed me.

It was gentle and sweet, a trait I was not wholly expecting from someone of Thancred’s expertise.

“It matters to me. Your feelings do matter, just as much as everyone else’s Ami.”

The gentleness of his voice brought me out of the path of self-loathing. I looked at him, seeing the open fondness in his eyes. In that stare, I understood. He understood. My heart thumped in my chest as my mind attempted to accept these moments for what it is. 

“Had I known that you yearned for me I wouldn’t have made light of your feelings. I cannot allow you to continue saying that your feelings don’t matter. What must I do to prove that to you?”

It took a moment for his words to sink in. My eyes widening as my mouth opened in surprise. One thing was clear in my mind. I blushed at how quickly I had reached the conclusion. I faced him with an intent in my stare. Never breaking contact I loosened the clasps that kept my top firmly to my frame. I fell freely on to my bed, relaxing in a way to show my willingness.

“I would be glad of anything from you,” I admitted, “Even if you’re just indulging me out of pity, I don’t mind. I just don’t want you to see me as a hero or friend. _See me as a woman._ Please Thancred.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if that WoL backstory was kind of confusing the tl;dr version is that my WoL was born in Othard (Doma precisely) to an Eorzean mother and Doman father. Was subsequently given up to her guardians during that time frame and thus how she's now in Eorzea.
> 
> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Also next chapter rating's going up to Explicit.


	5. Reconciliation pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah this is solely the reason why for the ratings change. Just some smut. That's it. I had originally wrote the ficlets without this scene in detail because back then I was too chicken shit to write smut. So I decided last year I wasn't gonna be chicken shit any more and wrote this and it was my first explicit smut. Just cleaned it up and added some stuff now that I had a few smutty stuff under my belt (heheheh) and made it flow between last chapter and the final chapter. 
> 
> If you don't want to read my WoL and Thancred banging that's completely cool (though I would really appreciate if you did). Just ignore this chapter completely. They still banged but it was a fade to black after the last chapter.
> 
> Chapter Notes: Uh, well my WoL has some self-deprecation about her body type (for reference she's a midlander Hyur with the highest muscle definition settings you can give them). And some suspect attempts to word sexy.

“Please Thancred.” I pleaded.

I did not hide the desperation in my request. I needed him to understand how much I needed this. He asked of me what I wanted, I wanted no regrets. Even if this was to be a one night tryst. He always shown himself as a man of action, so instead of a verbal response his lips pressed against mines again. There was more of that confident initiative that I had expected.

Our lips moved against each other seeking a closer connection. My inexperience was clear as he soon overpowered this “battle”. I was all too willing to submit to him. A contented groan escapes me at the feeling. The feeling of finally obtaining something I had always wanted had settled into my heart. Ever the opportunistic man, Thancred took that opening to explore my mouth with his tongue. My eyes widened at the intrusion, never had my kisses gotten to this point. Surprise fell way to desire as I let him do as he wanted. It wasn’t to say I was passive. Rather I adapted quickly to his ministrations. Calloused fingers weaved through my chest-length locks, loosening the curls that was so carefully put into its ends. I allowed myself to drown in the atmosphere of the moment. The feeling that only seemed to grow with each passing moment. I only knew of one certainty: this would not be enough.

For once I would take my want and fill it to the absolute brim.

Being so wrapped up, I vaguely heard the shuffle of his coat being removed and the clinks as he unfastened the plate armor that adorned his upper body. The sounds were only second to the rushing of blood coursing in my ears. The need to actually breathe became pressing the deeper we kissed. With a small gasp we parted. My lips were buzzing with the swelling starting to form. The bed shifted as Thancred put his full weight onto it. His knees straddling over my waist. I watched as he bit into one of the fingers of his gloves and pull them off. The desire bloomed into the deepest part of my core at such a sight. I didn’t think my body would react to such a sight.

He knew it too, with that knowing smirk on his face.

Now bare handed, he hands caressed the sides of my hips. Carefully they moved upwards where the cloth ended and my bare skin began. I squirmed at the feather light touches. They reached the sides of my breasts and he stopped. I whined at the pause in action. His smirk seemed to widen at my squirming for more. He was enjoying this, seeing me want. My chest heaved with deep breaths as my desire grew. I slightly shifted upwards, my hips meeting his. My heart thumped at what I felt at the content. I could feel him. It was a touch sobering to feel it all at once.

“Are you alright?” he asked, “We can stop if you feel uncomfortable.”

My change in expression must have caused him some concern. I shook my head as I rested my hand on his upper arm. I let it rest in its spot for a moment before stroking my way down to his forearm and back up again. I had noticed then his expression settling into a concern.

“I’m fine.” I answered, “Allow me to become sentimental. The reality of the moment is sinking in is all. Despite the denials, I had desired a moment such as this for a while. It’s nearly within my reach and yet, I feel hesitation.”

I look down at myself, watching the crumpled wrinkles from my top. There were plenty of reasons why I had hesitated on taking this step with, well, anyone. But with Thancred, there’s always that part of me that reasoned why it took so long for him to see me in this way. That this did not happen sooner because I would always be a comrade in his eyes. That I would never have the courage to speak up about wanting more unless I was somewhat inebriated.

“Do you want to stop?” 

“Gods no!” I immediately answered, “If I stop, then I won’t ever have the courage to ask of this again.”

I took a pause as a blush formed. There was another reason, one I wasn’t quite open to admit. Alas, it needed to be said. I calmed myself as I mulled what I was going to reveal to him. 

“I am not _uncomfortable_ about the act itself. For all the experiences I have faced, when it comes to intimacy, I am...lacking.” 

You could hear a pin needle drop at the full silence. I saw the blank blinks from Thancred as he deciphered the meaning of my words. His mouth opened a slight gape in assumed shock. But then firmed into a line. I started to get up. As I feared, admitting this had most likely ruined the atmosphere. He couldn’t have felt comfortable continuing knowing this. Surprisingly he put a hand in front of my shoulders to stop me.

“Don’t.”

The simple request made me stop. I was still sitting up but made no indication I was going to leave. He scanned my face. I felt my blush intensify as he stared intently at me.

“Unless I misunderstood, you are to say that this is your first time? That someone like you has never done this before?”

I looked away at the incredulous tone in his voice.

“There has been an attempt,” I confessed, “But the furthest it has gotten was mutual self-pleasure.”

His hand found its way under my chin as he gently led me to look at him. There I could see the definite surprise. There was also a hint of understanding. He gave me another soft kiss. His smile seemingly brightening the mood.

“I don’t normally seek out this sort of situation. But I certainly am not going to back out, if that is what you fear. To the contrary, it falls on me to assure that you have a pleasant experience and I’d be honored to provide it. You will tell me if it becomes overwhelming, no?”

A brief nod was my answer.

His hand left my chin and touched the collar of my top. Already loosened from our earlier actions, it didn’t take much for it be completely free of it holdings to expose my chest in full. Instinctively I tried to put my arm to cover myself. Never had a man seen me in this state of undress before, usually the support wraps kept from being fully topless. Thancred’s hand gently held my wrist to stop me. 

He just stared.

It was not the staring that made me feel uncomfortable. But he could see all of me. He could see the defined muscles on my body as a result of my Monkhood. I was proud of the work that I put into my body. It was this strength that had protected so many. But I had thoughts that if people were to see my bare body they would _only_ see the strength, not beauty. It was why I rarely wore revealing clothes that were not my battle garb. To my complete surprise, I heard the brief hitch in his throat as his eyes widened at the sight. Hands delicately traced the outlines of muscles on my stomach to the curves of breasts, stopping at the side.

“Beautiful..”

My eyes widened at his whispered words.

I reached for the waist sash, deftly taking apart the knot that kept my top secured there. Now that the garment was truly freed, I nudged him to bring his focus back into the present. He blinked before shaking his head, ashen locks swaying with each movement. He moved closer, completely enveloping me into his presence. I could take in every small nuance of him. Even with the barrier of our pants, I could feel him grow. I tried to move a little so he could be more comfortably situated. His hold firmed on my chest in response. My face erupted into a full blush at his emboldened actions.

“I can’t help it with a tantalizing sight before my eyes,” he murmured, hips pressing firmer into my own.

It gave me little imagination of what I was going to experience soon enough.

I let out a small moan at the concealed friction. Gods we hadn’t done much of anything and Thancred has left me in such a state of wanting. The charged arousal in the air was forcing me to take deep breaths. There was little doubt he was relishing in my gradual descent into my needs. He lowered his head ever so to have his mouth graze at my ear. The feel of his breathing ghosting my ear brought about little shivers through me. I felt him move downwards, peppering kisses along my jaw and down the side of my neck in time with my pulse. He stopped at where neck meets shoulder. I felt a smile before there was a nip at the juncture. Not only a nip, teeth grazed at the spot before licking to soothe the rising heat from the bite. 

He had done it again.

And again.

Little bite marks peppered my skin, each strategically placed where it could be hidden by my clothes. He made a show with each bite looking at me. He watched my face flush with each mark, smirking at my reaction before leaving another. He stopped just at my breast, watching the heaves at my chest before settling his lips around the sensitive skin. His nips were a little more gentle given the sensitive nature. I shuddered at the sensation, watching as my pale skin reddened at his touch. His hands idly stroke at my hips before fingers settle at the fastener of my bottoms. He glanced my way once asking for silent permission. I gave a nod, despite the pounding in my chest at the events unfolding. He moved off of me so he could have an easier position to remove my polyens. There was an achingly slow show of getting them off, clingy from the perfect fitting. I felt my smalls being dragged down with them. I squirmed at the air meeting my most intimate places. The instinct to cover myself coursed through me once more.

This had been the most exposed I was to a man.

Even those rare times I yielded to my desires, I always had some manner of clothing to conceal me. But alas, here I was. My breathing had sped at the situation I was in. Mayhap I was so obvious in my emotions, Thancred kept a concerned gaze on me. One hand had started to massage the underside of a breast while the other touched on my inner thigh.

“Relax my dear. Breathe with me now.”

I nodded as I matched to his. In and out. Gradually my heart calms itself as my legs gradually part. It felt easier to reclaim my bearings now that I had a place to focus.

“There, it wasn’t bad at all.” 

I blinked.

In that moment I had realized the hand that was on my thigh had sank lower. Secondly, his finger was actually inside me. Lastly, I had realized exactly how aroused I had become given the wet squishy sounds as the digit explored around.

My breath hitched once more before a guttural moan came out. I flexed at the thick finger inside. This was familiar, yet different from the other times I had done this. It had felt...nice. I felt his gentle strokes at my inner walls, with an occasional thrust inside. It didn’t take long before his finger went as far as it could before twisting around. I muffled another moan at his sudden actions.

“There’s no need to be subdued,” he tsked, “Let me see you. _Let me hear you_. You’re not a woman prone to holding back, so do not do that here.”

I wasn’t sure if I actually needed his permission, but I appreciated the gesture all the same. I allowed myself to truly express how I was feeling. Even more so as he added another finger inside. The stretch was odd, but not wholly uncomfortable. The slight sting of being stretched was making itself known, again not uncomfortable but odd. What was once idle exploring became focused as he thrust said fingers in and out of me. The lewd wet sounds coming from me deepened my blush (if such a feat was possible by now). I could feel myself gripping to his fingers, not wanting them to leave me so soon. My hips raised to meet them as they withdrew.

I chanced to look at Thancred, who smirked at my reactions.

“If only you could see yourself how I see you in this moment,” he whispered, “What is it that you want?”

...was he serious?

“You know godsdamn well what I want.”

He said nothing as the thrusting in his fingers slowed to shallow strokes. I let out a frustrated groan at the stop just as I was hitting that high. I tried to lift my hips to seek that friction, but a firm hold from his free hand effectively pinned them to the bed.

“Stop teasing me Thancred,” I whimpered.

“Do not misunderstand my intent my dear,” he spoke with quiet sincerity, “I do admit, I get a delight hearing you becoming so wanton. But moreso, I want you to say exactly what it is that you want. It would be remiss of me to make assumptions about your pleasures when this is a new venture for you. This much, at the very least, I can do.”

I laid there, stilled at his words. It was oddly touching of him. Not that I didn’t think he could be this way. I’ve known the man long enough to be ever considerate if the situation called for it. When it was so easy to give into base instincts, he made sure I was the one in control of the pace. I had started to see why he was so well talked about when it came to these matters. I didn’t hide my awe when looking towards him. There was still the air of arousal but it seemed more calming.

“I want…I want your fingers,” came my quiet reply.

“I know you can speak louder than that.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him.

“Please,” I said, firmer this time, “I want to you to finish me with your fingers. I can barely stand it.”

“With such a straightforward request, how can I refuse?”

He withdrew his fingers completely, making me whine at the sudden emptiness. I heard a light chuckle before his face set into a firm determination. It was the only hint I got before I felt his fingers inside me once more, with the addition of a third. Unlike before, there was a more focus intent into his actions. My body heat rose as he went deeper still. His free hand had slacked, letting me raise my hips once more. My thighs strained as my legs subconsciously opened wider to accommodate the stretch. I wanted him to keep going and stop all at once. My high was coming in so fast I barely had time to prepare myself. Even though I could be loud, I tried to muffle myself in some measure of restraint. 

“None of that,” he lightly scolded, “Be as loud as you need to be. No matter the volume or how embarrassed you may feel afterwards, I want to see all of it.”

I only nodded as my whines grew more fervent. My mind was becoming a haze as the pleasure was taking hold over me. I could not recall what fell from my lips as I had reached my peak. It could have been his name or supplications to the Twelve. My eyes fluttered as the feeling washed over me entirely. I felt myself still pulsating around his still fingers. I could scarcely imagine that I was capable to feel like this. Thancred had patted my hips as he slowly withdrew his fingers, getting one more moan out of my sensitive body. I noticed the glisten on his fingers even with the low lights of the room.

A blunt reminder of my state.

Despite how good it had really felt, the twinge of embarrassment lingered.

“You’re thinking entirely too hard over there,” he quipped.

My eyes widened at Thancred’s apt observation. As my mind started to clear from the orgasmic haze, something had settled into my heart. I couldn’t quite find the words to it. It was as if I broke this self-imposed image of myself, that I allowed myself to feel this way. For a long time I saw myself as the chaste savior who always but the needs of others before her very own. That I gave my all for the people whether they were my long standing friends or people I just met. I thought about how when I did share in my desires with others, it was rewarded with lost. Even now, I knew once morning came it would all back to normal. Despite my words saying I was alright with the arrangement, I didn’t want to lose this. A touch on my cheek brought me out of my thoughts. My eyes settled upon Thancred’s concerned gaze.

“Do you wish to stop?”

I shook my head, though I wasn’t quite sure if he believed it.

“You needn’t endure any discomfort for my sake,” he spoke, “I am here _for you_. If this is all you desire, I am content with that. You are a trusted friend my dear. Some would say even more than a friend given tonight’s events.”

His hand that was on my cheek found its way intertwined with my own.

“If you’d have me, I’ll do as much as you want me to do.”

It took me a long moment to respond. The answer was so clear and yet I took my time to say it. I had to be sure that this was what I truly wanted. It was so simple to be completely wrapped up in the suddenness of the moment. I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart as I returned his hand holding by tightening just a bit.

“I want everything,” I answer in earnest, “I will tell you if I do not like a thing. But I trust you will not hold back unless I clearly say so. I want you to enjoy this too, even if I would not be your first choice.”

His hand left mines as he got off the bed for the moment. I watched as he undressed the rest of his clothing. The blush on my face quickly forming seeing him do so. My eyes roamed at how fit he was. I had knew in my mind he would be, but having only seen hints of skin with his attire once we reunited in Dravania it was still a surprising sight. Seeing him in the altogether was so much more.

“Mayhap you have any aids to make this a smoother experience?” 

He turned to face me after putting his clothes neatly by the armoire. I blinked at the question before looking down at myself. My blush grew as I pointed towards my pack. 

“I-In my pack,” I mumbled, “I have vials of oil.”

I heard the faint shuffling of my pack and the clink of glass vials before Thancred returned on to the bed. When I finally had the courage to meet his gaze, his brow rose in an inquisitive expression while shaking said vial. I watched as the faint gold liquid sloshed about.

“You are well-prepared indeed.” 

“It’s not like that.” I stammered, “Not...exactly. I am an Alchemist by trade. I do not ask what my clients use my creations for.”

“I only jest my dear. Although this particular vial is used.”

I quickly took the vial from him, earning a small chuckle from the man. I rolled my eyes at him once more. It was in that moment I glanced upon his full form. I noticed the faint scarring on his flesh, a reminder of how long he has been doing his duties. Although it was not his actual body, I wondered which scars were before my joining of the Scions. He moved closer giving more a view of him. My hand had a mind of its own as it touched his thigh, just above the knee. This scar I knew. I rubbed at the absently, a gift from the bloody banquet. Y’shtola had told me not long after we brought her back what happened when Thancred and she afforded Minfilia and I a means to escape. It was easy to forget exactly how long this man has been at this; far longer than one would think. I blinked away at the stray thoughts and focused on the present.

Rather, what my natural curiosity focused on.

The blush grew on both of us as I was in close proximity to his member. It was...big. I couldn’t help the widening of my eyes at the sight. It was my first time to actually see one in general. Once more, my hand had a mind of its own as it moved from his thigh to there. I didn’t touch him, not yet, but my fingers hovered just so over the flesh.

“M-may I?”

He gave a slight nod as my hand descended upon him. It wasn’t at all what I was expecting. It was a pleasant kind of warmth. I could feel the minute pulsing through my fingers. The texture being soft, yet stiff was odd to feel as well. A stray thought coursed through of how exactly that was going to fit inside me. I willed it away, it would be a bridge to cross once we reached it. My hand traveled upwards to the tip, the most sensitive spot if his slight hiss was any indication. I watched as it bobbed in response to the slight poke. There was a bit of dampness on my finger from where it touched, but not unpleasant. It was awing to know he was holding this much back for my sake, he had great restraint I realized. Another hiss and I looked up at him. I feared I was doing something wrong given my inexperience. Instead I was met with his flushed face and eyes darkening as he was starting to give into his own carnal needs. 

“Gods Ami.”

It had just came across my mind that this was the first time he had uttered my name since we started.

The way he drew it out heated my core.

“Is this okay?” I asked, “Do you want me to return the favor?” 

“I’ll be fine,” he responded while shaking his head, “Don’t push yourself to do more than you’re ready for.”

“But how will I know if I’m ready if you don’t let me?” 

He grew silent. I emphasized my point with a frown. The silence stretched on for a moment before he finally huffed. He let himself go slack.

“Well if you insist on _something_ what you were doing earlier is good enough.”

I nodded as I stared directly at him. I took the vial to uncork it with my teeth. There was a flash of surprise on his face before they went into a half-lidded gaze. The oil felt lukewarm against my fingertips. After being satisfied I focused downwards, placing my coated hand around. I heard a small gasp then groans as I stroked up and down. I wasn’t sure what I was doing exactly, following my curiosity-driven whims than any formal technique. He didn’t seem to complain, quite the opposite. I could hear the pants Thancred made behind the slicked wet sounds of my ministrations. It was odd to hear Thancred in such a mood, I welcomed it all the same. I had naturally moved myself closer to be only mere ilms from his member. His hands threaded through my hair once more. Not to guide me to do any one thing in particular but just resting there. There was an almost expectant stare in his eyes. The temptation to use more than my hands on him coursed through the deepest parts of myself, licking my lips at such a prospect.

My mind however, wasn’t quite ready to take step into pleasure. If the opportunity arose once more then I might try then.

Instead I move my head away to nip at his hip. Each stroke I made accompanied with a light kiss of a scar his body wore. His groans increased in frequency at each press of my lips. I grinned being able to give some semblance of retribution for the little bites he left on me. It didn’t escape my notice the miniature rock of his hips or how he hardened ever so at my touch. He grabbed at my wrist suddenly and pulled it away. Visible confusion settled on my face as I looked up at him. Seeing his face so full of color as he let out hard pants made me clench inside. 

I did that.

I made him look like that.

“Not tonight.” he spoke in a breathy murmur.

Reluctantly my hand went slack. I heard a sigh in relief from his lips before leaning over to me. He moved closer to the space between my legs, so much I could feel his body heat radiating. I stilled in a fit of nerves and anticipation of what was to come. I could sense how close our parts were to one another. He scooted himself as close at he could while placing his hands on my hips to gently knead them. Despite the very clear showing of arousal, Thancred’s eyes held that flicker of seriousness as he looked into my eyes.

“Ami, are you really sure you want to do this? With me?” he asked.

My eyes widened before I looked away. My heart sunk at the question. Couldn’t he had figured that with all my consent I’ve given thus far?

“Mayhap I should ask the same of you,” I responded, not hiding my bitterness, “I said I wanted everything of you. And yet you still ask? Perhaps you are trying to save me from embarrassing myself by always offering an out. But it’s clear that all of this-that _I_ am discomforting to you.”

His hands instantly stopped in their movements as he stilled at my words. I let out a disparaging laugh, confirming my suspicions. I make a move to separate from him. I felt the prickly burn of tears trying to fall. My hopes of finally having him see me for myself only to have it taken away at the very last moment. The disappointment felt too much to bear, especially now that we have come so far. I let out a harsh sigh before beginning to put on that mask I knew so well. To hide that hurt; show that this didn’t bother me.

Despite otherwise.

“Thank you from the night thus far. I clearly asked too much for someone like myself. I apologize for putting too much pressure on you.”

Thancred made no move to leave. His hand on my hips tightened a little. His brows furrowed as if he was in thought. Suddenly he stared at me with mouth slightly agape. Shaking his head, he moved closer as he kissed me once more. It was deep as like the others we had shared. But I didn’t feel the immediate desire of it, instead I felt more of an emotional wanting. As if he was laying full bare his emotions. My heart pounded at the aching familiarity of it all, drowning in it so quickly. I felt him rub against my outer walls before the feeling of being opened deep inside.

If there had been any sounds of discomfort coming from me, his kiss swallowed them. This was a different feeling than his fingers earlier. It felt heavier, more pronounced our connection. But I had known this was only just the beginning. He made no moves to seek deeper, seemingly content at our current state. Or he could have been waiting for me to adjust. We had finally separated from our kiss, letting out small gasps as we took in a breath. I grabbed for his forearm, squeezing it gently. I rocked my hips in shallow strokes in an attempt to get some sort of movement out of him.

It was a slow process, seemingly the smallest movement making him go deeper still.

I was halted by Thancred’s hands on my hips. A frown was ready to form before he gave a peck on my forehead. He smiled sheepishly with an obvious blush forming on him. Scarcely I had seen him take such a shade.

“How am I to keep my word when you do this to me?”

“I will not be cross if you break your word, this once.” I answered in all honesty.

It was punctuated with a drawn out groan as he steadily thrust deeper. It was still a maddeningly slow pace, but consistent. Even with the slicked aid of the oil on him. The fullness kept going and going. I thought it would be no end to it. My lower half tingled at the presence inside, so close to the edge of a release right there.

Then our hips met.

I blinked before looking down at our joined selves; Thancred as well. I had taken all of him. Besides the light discomfort of having something foreign inside, there was no pain. Not at all what I expected. Even though he remained perfectly stilled, I felt his twitches inside. His hand absently stroking at my stomach, along his length that was inside. I nudged at his knee, inadvertently clenching around him as his gaze focused on me. 

“Y-you can move. I’m fine.”

He silently nodded before drawing back. Letting out a small breath as he did so as I was already missing the full feeling. It was about halfway until he thrust inwards again. The unmistakable sounds of bare skin meeting deepened my blush. I somehow began to match my breathing to his movements. With each deeper thrust, I exhaled and opposite when he withdrew. The discomfort quickly gave way to a pleasant tingle wanting to bloom. In time, I started to match with his thrust to not go too long without his fullness. What began as slow and cautious evolved into a comfortable rhythmic flow. He would set the pace and I easily adjusted. It felt familiar territory. Odd how being like this drew parallels to when we are in battle together. His hips snapped at a particular thrust, hitting a spot within that made me see stars.

“Oh gods.” I moaned out.

“Ah? There is it?”

He smirked, as if he had found some precious treasure. A shift and he deeply hit into that spot again and again. When he bottomed out he would just grind before beginning to pull out again. I was feeling so many sensations inside and out, it drove me mad. My hands tightened on his biceps as I started to feel hot. His arms moved from my hips to the curve of my back as he pulled my body flush to his own. It was a slight change in position but it brought about a completely different sense of sensations.

“I can feel your every movement.” he whispered, “Are you close?”

I could only give a sound of confirmation, unable to form coherent words. I grabbed on to him tighter like I wanted to meld with his form. He did not let up in his movements. He seemed determined to bring me over that edge once more, which was quickly approaching. I stilled as that high hit and that tingling sensation washed completely over me. Some sort of primal sounds left me before I was devoured in Thancred’s kiss. He halted his movements as my walls rippled around him.

Alas my body had another agenda.

My hips kept moving on their own accord, fiercely rutting against him. It wanted to ride out this feeling as long as possible, even if my mind was becoming overloaded with sensitive nerves. He parted from me, his expression shifted into a way I hadn’t seen before. Soon he lowered to the crook of my neck, biting at the skin there. I felt his labored breaths with each movement of my hips.

“Ami,” he warned, “If...if you keep at this pace I’ll-”

“Do it, I want this.”

He made an attempt to separate to finish himself off. It only got as far as an attempt. Despite my legs still felt tingly, I hooked on to his waist tighter to lock him in place. He lifted his head at stunned silence at my actions before settling on confusion. Now it was my turn to give him a satisfied smirk.

“I told you, I want _everything_ of you.” I said between pants, “So I want you inside. _Finish inside of me_.”

It happened so suddenly. His hips faltered in rhythm before he thrust his absolute deepest. I watched as his face changed from confusion to unfiltered bliss as he hit his peak. The moan that left him was so deep it shook me to my core. Although I was fairly certain I wasn’t the first to see him in such a state, I felt honored he shown it to me all the same. The warmth of his fluids hitting my innermost places triggered another (but smaller) release of my own. As we both collapsed on my bed, time seemed to freeze. Slowly I release my leg hold on his waist as he rubbed his head across my shoulder. It was in these quiet moments of post-climax my mind clears. It had sunk in the reality of what happened.

I had confessed my long standing feelings for Thancred and he reciprocated. At least enough to at least to indulge me in this act of attraction.

I absently ran my hands through his hair, noticing how damp with sweat his locks were. Mines was most likely in the same state. Our bodies had matched in breathing as we were both quite winded. I hadn’t thought that such intimacy would be so physically demanding. Much like a heavy sparring session. A chaste kiss on my cheek brought me out of my thoughts.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

I hummed in confirmation. Thancred lifted himself off me to stare, confirming it for himself I suspect. In those eyes, there was a certain emotion reflected in them.

I honestly couldn’t decipher it. Not that he wasn’t guarding it, but I just couldn’t put a word to it.

“I had intentions to ease into this slower. But I shouldn’t have underestimated your limits.”

“All’s well.” I responded while patting his back, “If I were to be honest, I underestimated my own limits.”

We soon fell into a comfortable silence. What was there to say now that this had happened? I struggled a bit at my words. 

“Is...this alright?” I asked, “I meant to say, are you okay with me like this? I didn’t want to compromise what we have built between us over someth-”

“Shh,” he said, pressing a finger to my lips, “We need not think on it tonight. Rather not, if I were to be honest. Such heavy topics make for terrible bed talk. We’ll discuss it on the ‘morrow when we are both well-rested and clear of mind.”

I nodded. If that was his wish, I would oblige. I nudged him over to lay on the bed, following as well until I was the one straddled upon him. He seemed definitely surprised at my actions before that darkened arousal showed once more. I blushed I felt him harden ever so inside me at our new position. I placed my hand on his chest to stabilize myself while letting a shy smirk form on me.

“Fair point.” I conceded, “If there is nothing else to discuss then...I would like to explore these ‘pleasant experiences’ you seemed to assure me you can provide. I daresay that you might have set quite the precedent of standards for any future bed partners.”

He responded by a light laugh as his hands found way to my hips again. They kept me in place while he rolled upwards in shallow thrusts.

“Of course Love. I am a man of word, no?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THEN THEY BANGED ALL INTO THE NIGHT. S/o to my friend who was a witness to my ride on the struggle bus over revising this. We...may have headcanon'd that my WoL as an ALC is not new to making pleasurable aids...
> 
> We're almost done guys ; u;


	6. Resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello once more! Sorry about the long wait once again. I tbh uploaded the last chapter earlier than expected and didn't have this one down so it took awhile to finish it. And I struggled A LOT on how I wanted to end it. But it's done and I don't want to look at this any more.
> 
> Chapter notes: Not much. The dreaded "morning after" talk.

The feel of the wind’s breeze and the sunlight begrudgingly gets me out of my slumber. As I blinked away the sleep, I take in the quietness of the moment. There was that distinct fact that this was the first morning in Novrandt without the threat of Light in over one-hundred years. I start to step out of bed to begin my routine of the day, but soon stopped.

For I remembered my significant lack of clothing.

A blush flourished on my skin remembering the circumstances of my state of undress. These touches, embraces, and the gentleness as he guided me through a physical aspect of myself I never had the time to fulfill with another. It filled me with a warmth rarely experienced. I ran my hand through my hair, taking note how disheveled the locks were. I looked around my suite, quickly realizing that I was the only occupant.

I did say I was okay if Thancred and I did this for one night.

But still it pained me he took it to heart.

I let out a small sigh, there was no use in harping on it for the time being. I gathered a clean set of small clothes and set about cleaning myself up. As I freshened myself I noticed the varying reddened splotches on my body. Some of the color had faded somewhat but it wouldn’t leave me any time soon. As my fingers ghosted over them a memory of how I got each one sends a delightful shiver down my spine. Thancred was quite strategic in their placement, they could be hidden by my hair or my clothing. I winced at the twinge of soreness putting on my bottoms. Despite the unfamiliar twinge, I was satisfied at the acknowledgment. 

Once my routines were out the way and I was decently dressed, I took another look around my quarters. There really was no trace of what went on last night. It if weren’t for this physical proof on my body, I would wholly believe I just had an elaborate detailed dream that I would never outright confess to having. My eyes had noticed a bundle of white cloth draped over a chair. Upon closer inspection it was Thancred’s coat; he must have forgotten in his hurry to leave before I awoke. I would need to return it to him, thus having to talk about last night and moving forward. I let out a small sigh. For now, I’ll hold it off and just take in the moments of solitude. I put the coat in my arms, feeling the material on my fingers. 

It’s a secret I harbor: I had longed to touch this coat.

It’s such a pristine white that always stood out no matter the scenery. It was an image I always looked forward to during our travels. I examined it to see if it needed any mending before returning it to its owner. It seemed in perfect condition, considering all that it has endured.

If anything, the man takes great care of his attire.

I glanced around the suite once more, confirming I was truly alone. Once I was sure that I was, I slowly put the coat on. It was a loose fit, not as grossly ill-fitting as I initially believed. I could detect the faint scent of gunpowder with each inhale. Gunpowder and something I couldn’t rightly recall. A scent so distinctly “Thancred” that no matter the outfit changes, I associated it with him.

“If you wanted to be wrapped up in me once more,” said a voice, “you needed only _ask_.”

My body instantly reacted to the sudden voice as I turned around to a fighting stance. My left hand is already primed to strike at the person’s side. Almost landing its target too if it wasn’t for my mind catching up on realizing it was Thancred who spoke. There was a long stretch of silence before I body calmed to release its offensive stance.

“Gods!” I whined, “Don’t do that! I’m not prepared to explain to Spargyrics that we’re visiting because I incapacitated you out of surprise.”

“Of course, it slips my mind how easily startled those in your disciple are. The tales I can recall of Lyse nearly coming to blows due to that.” he says with a chuckle.

He gives me a look up and down. I realized I still am wearing his coat. I make a motion to take off to return to him before he grabs on to my wrists. “No don’t, it looks rather fetching on you.” he said. 

I still was not used to receiving such compliments on my appearance, even after all this time.

“My apologies that I departed while you were still sleeping. I had intended to return before you awakened. It was all to secure a table ahead of time at the Wandering Stairs. I thought it might be best if our conversation was held in relative privacy all the while dealing with that headache of yours. Alas I got...preoccupied with other errands.”

“Oh…” was all I could reply with.

His head tilted slightly at my response while his browns furrowed.

“You certainly didn’t think I would intentionally leave you alone after last night? As if you were nothing more than a stranger to bed?”

“Oh no, of course...not.” I replied, never mind I did think that.

He didn’t make any indication that he believed that, but motioned for me to follow him to said establishment. Other than the fact I was wearing his coat, it felt freeing to walk around not wearing battle gear. I noticed how quiet it was within the city. Perhaps everyone was recovering for the night’s celebrations as well? The few citizens that were walking around greeted us quietly. We had finally reached our destination. I nodded towards the workers before Thancred and I took our seats near the back. It was not long before food and drinks appeared on our table. I ate in silence, my rather notorious appetite the cause of it. I honestly hadn’t realized how hungry I was until then.

To be fair, I did expend a lot of energy rather recently.

“Feeling refreshed?”

I had forgotten that Thancred was sitting across from me, watching. I gave a small nod before drinking the coffee set before me. He didn’t seem disturbed by my eating habits, rather he seemed amused by it. Seeing him did bring that stark reminder we did have a lot to discuss. I finally took off his coat and let it lay on the side of our table before placing my hands on my lap. I took a deep breath to ready myself. I had a feeling I knew the route this discussion would take, so it was best I prepared for it now. I tried to neutralize my expression, as if this was another duty to me. But his hand slightly raised stopped me from going through with it.

“No, none of that.” he spoke evenly, “Don’t hide your emotions this time Ami. I suppose we all share a hand in having you do this by reflex. You’ve done so much as Her champion and performed your duties well, but you are still just one woman. You have wants and needs that we’ve been somewhat oblivious to. Last night was a reminder of that, I realized.”

“I apologize,” I began to say, “It wasn’t my intent to guilt you in-”

“Ami, please you needn’t apologize for anything. If we are to make this work then you can be honest with me. Most off, yourself.”

I stilled at his remark. My eyes widened slightly at what he just said. I was sure it wasn’t a trick of the mind. I looked at my reflection in my coffee mug as I gripped it tightly under my hands.

“We’ve come a long way since meeting in Thanalan,” he mused, “To see you become the woman you are now, I feel a sense of pride. If I could bring words to it, it runs parallel to watching Minfilia through the years. You are not her, that much is clear. The...transition to see more than that will be hard, I confess. But I am willing to explore this with you. Last night I suppose brought forth these deeper feelings I hadn’t realize I harbored. But I will not fault you if you find comfort in the arms of another when I cannot.”

Wait…

“What?”

It was a lot of information to take in with what he had said. Some of what he spoke, I had already suspected. But he hadn’t rejected me. There was something and he was willing to explore it with me. I could take that. But his last statement made me wonder.

“The arms of another?” I repeated, "What do you mean?”

“Ami, did I not just say to be honest with yourself? You know exactly what I mean.” 

My eyes widened at his words but then a blush formed as I thought more about his words. There had been...something. I let out a small sigh at it as I fidgeted at my nerves on how to speak on it. I meet Thancred’s gaze, full of understanding. Even with that comfort knowing I could speak my mind, there was still that hint that it could ruin our sprouting relationship.

But he did say be honest with myself.

“Have you...ever been involved with more than one person at once?” I asked instead.

“Romantically? Not exactly. I have had multiple bed partners if that accounts for much. My younger years were, _productive_ to say the least.”

“I suppose it does,” I conceded, “Given in a perfect world it may come to that point of multiple partners intimately. At any rate, that’s a bridge to cross if it gets to that. It’s just odd. I have found that during our time here, my feelings have grown. I hadn’t expected them to do as much, but…”

I paused as I looked down at myself. I hadn’t expected to confront the particular aspect of my feelings, at least not yet. I had struggled with the realization for a while. But regardless, I had wanted to run this by Thancred for advice no matter the outcome of our circumstances were. Being not as versed in relationships as he was, I trusted his input on this matter.

“I don’t know _when_ it happened. Somewhere along the lines it changed from friendship to more. I’m not being selfish am I? Wanting you and him?”

“Of course not. You are certainly not the first to experience those thoughts nor be the last. Love...manifests in different ways, this just happens to be how yours manifest. And I am certainly alright with the arrangement. A bit surprised that you wished to include me, given what I had suspected. But in all honesty, I am glad it is so. There’s very few men I’d feel comfortable being involved with you in this capacity.”

“That’s all under the assumption that even _reciprocates_.” I noted.

“That is true,” he conceded, “But if I am right, which I usually am, it’s a non-issue. I’ve known the boy for a long time and there’s very few times I’ve seen him so openly happy than being by your side my dear.”

Then he added, “Believe me, a man would not supplicate himself to beg for forgiveness and pledge to stay by your side unless there was some sort of deeper feelings involved.” 

I paused at his words. Maybe he was right. I had just assumed that the situation made everyone more emotional. After all back then I was on borrowed time. I nodded regardless. The air felt lighter now that we had talked about this. We finished our breakfast in mutual silence.

“I suppose I should go back to my suite and prepare for the inevitable trip back home. I’m sure the others at the Rising Stones are eager to learn what’s happened.”

“That is true. Ryne apprised me of a matter she wants to look into as well.” he said.

“Oh? Do you need me to come with?”

He shook his head.

“I only have the barest details of the matter at the moment. At the most just a preliminary investigation, nothing we need our beloved hero for.” 

“I...see, well I guess we both have our own plans to act on then.”

We had both stood up, leaving the establishment. Now that we had reached the bottom of the set of stairs to go to our own suites, I found myself not wanting to part. Thancred could sense this as he gave me a reassuring smile. He kissed at my temple, questioning whether or not he meant it as a platonic or romantic nature.

“Don’t be so despondent my dear, I’m sure we’ll all see each other once more before we leave to our personal ventures.”

He had started to leave towards his lodgings before stopping. He turned towards me once more. His lips curled into quite a devious smirk as his eyes lit in the same matter. 

“Do remember with that situation to go slow with him. It’ll be new territory for you both.”

I flushed at the underlying meaning of his words as he left to his room proper. I took a small breath before I went back to the Pendants. As I prepared for the journey back home in my room, it finally hit me all that has happened in our journey. I smiled at the warmth blooming in my bosom.

There was still quite a few loose ends to tackle before I can truly call it finished.

But for the here and now? I could be genuinely happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the whole polyamorous talk near the end doesn't feel too out of left field. Just I really wanted to focus more on the Thancred/WoL. But I do have a sequel oneshot in the tentative works. So please look forward to that soon(tm)
> 
> But THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for all the views/kudos/bookmarks/comments on this entire work. I really appreciate everything.
> 
> Until my next work~

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you feel so inclined leave a kudos/comment. I appreciate all the views/interactions/bookmarks I get. I may not say it but I see you and acknowledge you all C:


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